Thoughts of a Sprite

Friday, September 10, 2004

On Pondering Things

First of all a warning: Hurricane Ivan is headed this way. It has put my little city, totaling three square miles on a national map... Okay wow, the eye of the hurricane is going to pass directly over us as it is mapped out now. So It may be a while before I am able to post again, depending on when every one spazes out this time.

I felt positively exhilarated yesterday evening in my math class... I am surprised as much as you, trust me. For the first time since Intermediate Algebra, I actually understood what was going on, and was able to crank out answers before he (Mr. Teacher guy) could even finish writing the question on the board. I felt like I had just busted my arse the week before a swim meet, and won the 500 free... Finally, the hard work and dedication to school has returned a positive feeling, and in the midst of hurricane disasters...

Now on to the pondering. There is that guy, you know the one I mentioned a while ago? He apparently picked up on the fact that I can't be pushed (or I'll tuck tale and run) and he seems to be okay with it. I didn't talk to him like the entire time I was working for the storm, was supposed to call him on Tuesday, but we didn't have power, and when it came on finally we were running around like chickens trying to wash all the dishes, and do laundry, and vacuum, and well by the time we finished (I was already exhausted from working like I dunno 9 days strait, three with out even going home) I was whipped. Then Wednesday rolled around, and I got off work late, then did my homework, which took hours (but had good rewards) and I finally called him... And he was okay with that.... I am just floored... Most guys would have been like "you work-aholic. " I mean Before we started "talking" for lack of a better word, we were class mates and study buddies, so he came into the "situation" again lack of a better word (well that and the R word scares me) knowing that I am serious about school, and that I work a lot, and those are the reasons that I had not dated in like nine months (well that and the fact that I am Jaded key up theme song: *hey Ja ja jaded, you got your momma's smile but your yesterdays child to me*) So yeah he seems to have figured out that I have issues... Serious issues....

He is not even pushing me for all of my spare minutes.... He is like call me tomorrow if you want, or hey you could swing by my house after your second job if you want. He was sooo cute yesterday. I got out of the car, and he was waiting for me outside his house, and he was walking up to the door backwards, talking to me, and I asked "did you even remember what I look like?" and he was like yeah pretty, then ran into the column. I was like ohhhhhhh... then we watched a movie, and cuddled (I miss cuddling) and he took me to Firehouse subs for dinner... which was really good! Then I went to class...

I think I could do this, so long as he stays laid back, (at an arms length distance) until I get more comfortable with the idea of the R word... Or until I get more comfortable with the idea of letting someone in, taking the chance that I could fall, actually trusting someone that has testosterone (other than my fastest friend in the whole wide world, you know who you are!)... It is funny, like a few of my more recent relationships it was all about a physical attraction, and This one, though the urge is there, is not like okay lets rush into bed. I am just not ready for that level yet, I can hardly handle the level it is...

I am getting more and more excited about the move to Gainesville! I am going to go buy bathroom stuff this weekend... Perhaps on Sunday, and I want to go see a movie with my cuzz, I miss him so... Since New York, other than work, we have both been too busy to do much of anything... With hurricanes and second jobs, then school.... Anyways I want to go see a movie or something, eat ice cream... Just spend time with him! We got a vacuum.... Yeah, I was obsessed with getting a vacuum... It is a Kenmore bagless.... I am sooo excited. He bought knives, and found a coffee pot... I gave him money for so I hope he got it. It even has a timer.... Maybe if I have enough after purchasing bathroom stuff, I will get my desk too... I dunno... Shopping... mmmmm shopping....

One last topic would Be the mom thing. She has not mentioned once to me how good she is doing in not drinking, (she totally would, if she were proud... I know my mother, she would say I have not had a drink in 2 weeks) the last time she said anything like this was the day I got back from New York. I have called a few times during the evening hours and I could tell that she was plastered. I know how her voice sounds when she drinks, and how her speech patterns change. I also know how she acts when she can't drink, and when I am home when she first gets home from work (and can't drink in front of me, due to trying to keep up the facade of not drinking), she is very edgy, testy, like going through withdraws... Generally she is passed out cold on the couch when I get home, and that is not how she is when she is sober. So there is still that mess... I can't trust her, I don't believe much of what she says... I don't like that feeling. I still love her, she is my mother, I still try to do nice things for her, and since I told her I am moving out, she has improved in the house cleaning, and taking care of herself issues. So at least that is better.

Okay I think that should fill every ones desire for information about my life. Incas I can't update later, or because I haven't updated much lately take your pick... Things are going pretty smoothly, aside from the weather...

shes_a_sprite @ 1:19 PM.

1 comments

Rachel said...

Someone met a boy........ ;) Ok well I hope you are safe during the storm, because i don't know what I am going to do without you and bonnie around for a couple of days. Stay safe and have fun with your new boy!!!!!!! hehehehe

4:44 PM